Can you believe it's October now? PMR is ongoing, good luck to all the candidates anyway. Time flies extremely fast.
Well, thanks to PMR that we can have a week of holidays for free. Not a happy holidays anyway. As the iPhone rumors, the 'real' iPhone has been released 2days ago. Most of the people was expecting it's iPhone 5 but sadly I-4S has brought them huge disappointment and this bunch of people starting to complaints. Thus, Apple's share has fell sharply when the 1-4S releasing as a result cause of Steve Jobs's death this morning.
I cried when I read the news. Well, not dramatic-ly just a few tears. It's really sad to hear this news. My best man was passed away! Yeah, my best man. Rest in peace.
Exam is coming soon and I don't know what should I do. Ever since I came back after my medical check up, my mum has stopped all my tuition classes so that I can have more relaxing time and stress-reduced. It sounds awesome but.. I didn't revise any book at home as well as at school. It's just too lazy to read and bother about the locked questions. Hopefully I can do a little well in this coming examination. It's fine if there is ''some'' failss.
By the way, my web shop is going to ''open'' soon! Erm, maybe after the examination. LOL.
It's 7:14a.m now and i'm still awake. I decided to blog as it has been a month I do not update. I sleep less these days. Very late, usually early in the morning and wake up just at noon. Oops, it's not because of I am busy, it's just when I close my eyes, images of memories appear. Myself cannot control the falling of tears even though I try hard to be tough.
I often ask myself, Paula Ho, who are you actually? What are you seeking for since the first day you're born? Is this what are you suppose to do? Why every time you need to work harder than everyone? Do remember every steps you move, they're your future.
Google's source, who am I > '' People who ask this sort of question are typically struggling with their identity and are searching for a core sense of themselves. The irony is that the more you seek to identify who you are, the more fragile you are likely to feel about yourself.''
Fragile? How can a human be proved he or she is fragile?
When we're out of control, we usually don't know who ourselves are. Are we lost? Where have we been?
Even though I've taken lot of medicine, but my headache doesn't seem like going better. The moment, every negative thoughts just go into my mind. My mum always asks me to be relaxed. Just like yesterday, I was forced to have breakfast with her while I only took 2hours of sleep. I'm starting to become stressful for some matters. She said, ' Girl, try to be relaxed. See, we're having dim sum in such a nice place, you should just sit and enjoy your food. ''
LoL~ I replied, ' That's impossible mum. If only i'm relax, most of the customers will call and call and eventually burnt my phone to ask where is their stocks. '' How do you want me to be relaxed? Once I fall a little, everything that I had worked hard will just gone without telling you when it is. You get to feel there's just a big bomm in front of you. I know, maybe, just maybe some people can't understand how exactly my feeling is. Doesn't matter~
Well, my headache is disturbing my mind now. Ps./ I can't really process well now, Sorry if there are grammar mistakes.
Well, it's 12:08a.m now and imma still awake. This is my daily's routine, have used to that. Sometimes, I have to stay to 2am too. I seriously don't know what am I doing till stay up to as late as this.
My mind is seriously going to BOOOOMM! Lotss of thing haven't be done yet. My web shop has to be postponed and postponed. I just too toooo lazy to decide which design I want. I've searched bunches of designs and downloaded as well, my next job is just combine all of them to a simple design and send it to the web-designer. You know, I want everything to be done in PERFECT, but things always end up with bullshits just because of my simply laziness.
I suppose I might just focus on my web shop and study once all the things that suppose to be done have done. There is more and more people doing online business recently. I have sick of that and I think it's time for me to retire. I often looking on freshness, once lotss of people do the same thing as I, I'm starting to change my direction.
I'm looking forward on Forex trading. I'm sure I have millions to learn about that. Good luck to me. Money money, please come back to mama. I need you!
Ooops, i just realize my English level is regressing. Gosh~~~~
I am the way to hell recently. My mind is storing too much things. I have stucked with my way. It's been hurt-s. Well, move on and stand steadily are the only solution.
Do you know why I always disbelieve on things?
Do you know how hurt it is when someone lies even only a simple matter?
Do you know words sometime make people feelings?
I am in pain, I am in tears, I am struggling, I am suffering
'' Believe, Trust '' simple word can never be found in my dictionary since the year
When I started to get back into these words, I just realized i shouldn't
It really hurts a lot when someone you trust enough lies, you know the truth, but still you have to pretend as nothing and let the acting running
Because, forgiveness should be your side every moment
I read a book, not sure is that a book, should be.
It told me :
We do not have the right to judge people as we're ain't good enough. Leave it with God.
etc~~~~
Be good to people, because you'll need them someday.
Thanks grandpa for everything. Thanks for being my father. Thanks for giving me anything i want.
You're really a great grandpa and dad. I am so lucky that i own a grandpa like you. God really treats me well.
Thanks for watching my performance yesterday. I know, you've waited for my turn for dont know how many hours sitting alone there. Sorry. I'm really really grateful.
Imma currently is not in Dubai, yet KK. LOL~ A very last last minute trip. As i have no mood to stay at home so do i decided to have a last minute trip to KK. Well, my grandpa accompanied me all the way. Thanks ya! I'm glad if you just leave me alone. LOL. So that i can go anywhere, shop anywhere by myself.
Well, my grandpa went to Damai Specialist for his medicial check up yesterday. He asked me to check for my gastro--- as well. I dont know what's the exact name, it's a scientific name. Whatever. Initially, i said NO, as for me, it kinds like wasting hundreds of money on this i-think-it's-ok stuff. I can buy lot of clothes with that money, but after that think of rather than doing nothing at there, so i decided have a check then. My grandpa pays that so i dont need to worry about anything.
The doctor who my grandpa wanted me to see was not available at the time but it's ok when he directed went to see the doctor. He said yes. WTH~ He asked me for a X-RAY, the nurse brought me to the room and left me with others nurses as well. It's my turn no longer. The x-ray in charge gave me kind of a blouse and asked me to wear on it without anything except panty. I was shocked and i asked him how about BRA shyly. He said yes as it's iron. Well, alright then. I was imagined if my panty is iron too, what will happen.
I changed in a small yet clean changing room. I went to the x-ray room after i was done. To be honest, i was really shy at the moment. Who cares. I was wondering how the facility works. It's quite amazing. The x-ray in charge was quite busy-body, 38~ He kept talked and talked non-stoply. Anyway, he gave me a new knowledge which is we cant be stress, as we strees, food cant be digested well thus causes gastric. Food which is supposed to be digested completely after 4 hours but because of stress, it can be stucked. Wow, i just knew that. I thought it's only when we eat too much or do not eat anything are only the factors.
I went into the doctor's room again once i was done. And again, i gained new knowledge. When our faeces are too stiff, it cant pass smoothly in our intestine. Thus, it will just stuck in the middle. When the other faeces want to pass through, they will push the faeces which are located in front of them. The force of pushing causes our intestine to be pained. And so, i thought i have gastric everytime but it's actually not. It's my faeces a.k.a shit problem. Thanks doctor for the new knowledge.
I regret i didnt ask him much. I should ask why the faeces are stiff instead of soft etc. Well, thanks anyway for that.
It's quite a boring holidays, staying at home, doing useless thing. Well, if it's a free mind holidays, it might be enjoy, but obviously it's not. I didnt go for my tuition classes for this whole week, why? Because i have no mood to get up from bed as well as study. It feels so hard for me to get up from bed. I spent a day useless-ly. Woke up on 11/12, watch movie for awhile, had my lunch a.k.a breakfast, napping, watch movie, sleep. Thats all for a day.
I hope this will not happen in my future. I do not like this kind of life, i rather to be busy or tired instead of useless, boring life.
Few months later, it will be a new year, 2012. It should be a meaningful year for me. It should be my new life, but something just ruined it, ruined one of my dream. Nevermind. Life still has to go on no matter what.
To become a CEO, there are a lot of ways. Difference is just how you become a CEO. I've planned for my future, it sounds ridiculous, but i just want to work hard for that. I've no time to play around, there are people waiting for in the future. My mum, my grandpa, my grandma..
Exam is still around. 2 more days to go. Should be fast? Well, i really need HOLIDAYS now. A free mind days. I've been so stressful for my exams and also my business. Too much too think & solve. I was talking to go for a rush Taiwan trip next week, well, i think i can't make it at the moment. First, my mum definitely will not let me travel abroad alone, only exception for Aus. And the airfare is quite expensive. I have too pay too much for all of that. somemore the wage that i need to pay for the local. Too much to cover. But, it's also the cheapest wayi found. I keep calculate all the charges this few days. Convert between 2 currencies, it's so tired. Just to find out which solution might be the best. Guess what, i'm still on the process. Still havent done calculating yet.
Not only that, i have to check with the bank for the latest currencies. Phone call never stop. Well, i think i sound little exaggerate but it's quite that situation. Aikz.. my mind is just too tight for this month. The exam is killing me, especially the Physic and + Math.
Honestly, i used to be good in Math. Seriously. When there is Math test, the night before it is the most relax night. And still i can do quite good in Math test. However, this situation do not happen this year. For now, i used to be scare math, especially + Math. I dont know what's the reason. But, it just happen. Even Mr. Fabian realise it too. I'm so sad for that. I'm trying to fix it back, but... aikz~ hopefully it can be fixed.
There are a lot of words i have to tell you. A lot a lot. You make my life interesting. You make my life colourful. You make my life awesome. You make my life full of energy. You make my life delightful.
My life is full of story. It's because of you, you write stories in my life, since the day i was born. Sometimes, i may think that, how lucky am i. Own a life, own an interesting story. Some people may cant have that, i'm just too lucky.
I know i am not a good daughter, always kind like shouting at you. But, your love never decreases, you never mad at me doing that at you. I'm really sorry, Mum. Thank you for your tolerance.
Having you as my mum is the most wonderful gift from god. Maybe you could have losted someone you love, nevermind, it's alright, dont be sad. You get someone who love you more. No pain no gain, isn't. You gain someone who always be with you, always be at your side, always love you more, and that's me!
Mum, once again, thank you for your support all the way throughout my life. I still remember the year, the worst year. The world was seemed black to me, very black. But, you lighted it. Indeed, a very bright light. I eventually walked out and faced the world again. No matter how alone am i. From the day untilr i went overseas, your support is my energy to smile & laugh.
I know, you had passed something even worser than that. Honestly, i can't understand how sad was is, but i will bring as much happiness as you need. Always remember do not look back, because there's someone standing in front of you.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS. THANK YOU FOR 16 YEARS CARES! THANK YOU!
PS:// Sorry that your mother's day present has to be postponed. Recently, large amount of money was going out. Will buy you the present once the money comes back to mama.
MAY actually belongs to my sweet 16th. Unfortunately, it is also a stress month for me. First semester exam is just around the corner. I have a lot to study, guess what, i even havent start any of them yet. Well, it's not because of laziness. It just i have limited time to get all the things done as well as sleep.
I'm ready going to get half a dozen of FAILSSSS for the semester exam. I hate FAIL, but what to do. Went for a dinner reunion few fays ago. Ooops~ some idea-ss suddenly poppped out from my mind, it's actually i had told that to my grandpa since i went back from AUS. I think it's a great idea as well as investment. If im not mistaken, they only have a branch in Malaysia @ Pavillion and the business doing really good! And now, according to my cousin, there is 6 new branches now in KL.
I want to do that sosososo badly. Unfortuantely, financial backup is the most major point. Somemore, i should concentrate in study first before head to those none-of-my-business matter. Perhaps i can wash my grandpa's brain and let him invest that. Money 100% guarantee back ok. Well, anyone who is interested in this, can contact me. LOL~ im serious.
Life still has to go on no matter what happen. Do you think suicide does help? Maybe~ It's our belove sister, Lykai's birthday celebration last night. We had a lot of fun these days. From taking bus, baking cake, giving surprise....
Fortunately, the cake has been done PERFECTLY by ladies. It's like damn god hell happy. We did MANGO YOGURT CHEESE CAKE. I'm wondering am i suppose to use the 'bake' word as well, but we didnt have any baking process. Whatever~ my english not that good too.
Above should post earlier, but due to my laziness.....
Sometimes it's too good to be true, but it's also too good to face the truth. Nothing that can be escaped. You dont know what is happening at the moment, you hope, at least someone can help, at least someone can tell you what it is, at least someone can perish the fire which is burning in your mind. Unfortunately, the 'someone' is not a fact, indeed you're alone. Obviously and obviously.
A simply award is not a joke, tears with story prove that all. It can be not, but it also can be yes. No doubt. Everyone cares about their images, except no one. It's true, dont you realise it. Mouth is un-controllable ''organ'', as well as tongue. Tastes you test must be detected by every sense which is given. Self role, self responbility, self work...
Went to Dayang's farewell party last week. Erm, nothing special on that day except the fact she's going. All the best anyway.
I thought a lot these few days. Really a lot. I decided to change my future plan. It's useless to waiting for something hopeless. It like wasting my time, wasting all the self-energy for waiting. I wait too much thing to come towards me. Too much~ At the end, i still have to let them go. It's fact. I know god treats me well, he's telling me something there is better waiting for me. I know, i know it for true.
I spent nothing useful these days. Watch drama, searching < all the stuffs that made my days. I'm not really satisfy with such life. It makes me look like useless! It makes me look like i have no dream!
I know my look kind like look VERY different than usual. You know, the power of cosmestics and contact lens. No doubt. What you watching is a meat-ly girl in your PC. I'm not trying to make you guys disgussting but trying to say something.
Every girls want to have a few different characters in their life. Same as me, me too! I hope i can change my characters days by days. What people looking at me is, they dont know who am i will going to be. Looking at the same character, it means that you only have a characteristics. When you're going to change to another character, you will feel that what you have passed has gone for the moment. Everything around changes although it's not fact. You keep yourself but you do not keep your look.
LOL~ there was something on my mouth. Who cares. Haha. I feel different when i put on this kind of make-up. A different life which i dont know how it goes. It seems like everyone almost has the same characteristic, but however there are a lot difference.
The easiet way to describe is major and minor. We group character as two groups which are the major and minor a.k.a calefei. Obviously, the one who has the prettiest face no matter does he/she has any ability, they always always will be the main. In fact, it shows we judge people by the first sight of their face. This is what human being.
Took that with Mama. I'm so glad that they came for me. I'm really really glad that eventually i got the chance to show them my effort. I'm not really really a good dancer or born to be, but at least i try harder than anyone to perform the best as i can. I join dance not for interest or fun, but because of money. It sounds 'cheap', but who cares. You might feel cheap, but do you feel good when you have no money?
Dont spend much when you're not earning your own money. Please always remember it's not easy to earn money. You can buy whatever you want without thinking whose money is that, im sure your next generation will be the same as you. Definitely, i do not mean that you cant buy something expensive like branded. But, it's alright if once in a blue moon. Eventhough branded things are always expensive, but they can stay longer than those cheaper things. < only some
Wuuu~ it's chinese new year! Angpau is the most attraction during CNY. LOL~ money always is my favourite. Nope, should be forever!
My mum said, CNY should be happy and enjoyful, but the new generation kind like not take it serious. I mean like dont have the feel. YEAH~ CNY should be happy because we only celebrate it once a year, but my CNY days always S-U-C-K-S which make me cant really really enjoy.
It's happier when celebrate CNY in Kuching > the angpau-s are A LOT bigger. However, i have to celebrate my cny in KK this year which i hate the most. Apparently, the angpau-s are A LOT SMALLER. I have to stay with my uncle's wife which i HATE the most in a house. I have to get up earlier everyday due to my lovely mum wants to. I have to spend money > S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G. Every single thing.
Obviously i do not have any nicer pic recently. Skin bad, over-blacked hair, fat looking, black circle ~ It's new year eve! we're going to February and CHINESE NEW YEAR. Seriously i feel whatever even there's CNY. I can't enjoy the happiness of chinese new year as chinese should do. It makes me feel like '' SO WHAT? It still a day that we have to pass '' The new generation's thinking may be ?
Guess what, i havent finish my berbukit-bukit homeworks yet. I hate the feeling which kind like make me cant really enjoy the wonderful holidays. Somemore, there were something terrible happened these few days. Upset upset upset!! Tears tears tears!!
To my dearest friends > Sometimes i might be very very crazy which very very annoying, dont say no, even myself feel that way too. Forgive me and just let me do it, because this is only the way and time i can have the happiness. Not trying to be emo but just trying to explain that im not acting to make fun for you guys.
Well, i know my post title kinda funny, but it's true. Because of money~ yeah! because of money. I dont know what's my next plan after this. I kind of thinking im choosing the wrong way. A very wrong way, i lost my plan. I dont know which way should i go for. Money also one of the problem. I know my family can afford for the fees, but i dont want they spend this huge amount because of me. It's a very huge number.
I spoke this to my mum before this. I told her what's my mind thinking. She's just trying to convince that money it's not the main problem. I just cant stop thinking. * relax.
I dye my hair eventually~ i bought the Revlon- brown black and was expected the colour will be bit brown + black. Well, im wrong! It's too over black! I miss my Marsmallow colour.
Recently life? Study - Sleep - Online. That's all! Going to have an interesting year i think? Hopefully!
Being in a Science class, need a lot of preparation before you step in the class. Please make sure you have enough sleep! I find it's the most terrible thing when i have no enough sleep. Dont know how to describe.
Few days ago, accidentally told my mum about someone's relationship. My mum started to pibala-pibala-pibala non-stop-ly. I think she's looking bad on them. Hmm? At the same time, i also told my mum about mine. Haha~ yeah, about mine. She said it's fate that.. and asked me to be auto. WTH! Definitely i will not do that, dont ever expect!
HAHA! I have posted always every posts about the same topics. Well, here i go :
Yesterday was Amanda's day, so how's the surprise? LOL~ Had her bithrday celebration in a very special place. Hope you enjoy that. Arg~ i love the cake! The ice-cream yam cake~ It tastes not that nice, but i have not eat ice-cream cake for a long time.
When time turn into 11++, we got out from the place and it's time for the birthday girl to go back. Time is money! LOL~ sorry, direct translate, broken english~ The left of us decided to go to have some chinese tea before going back. On the way, i received a call from my mum. I was thinking wasnt she was going to nag me because of i still havent get back as it's midnight that time. I answered the call and was expected the one which i was thinking. Apparently, i was wrong, i heard the care from my family. My mum said to me that grandpa was asking me to going back earlier and be careful when walking around. Yesh! I heard the love from them~ The true love!
The words melted my heart. That time was nearly midnight, as usual, grandpa must be on his soft bed and having his beauty sleep. I know he just woke up because of me. The first time in my 16years old life! I know it's a normal thingy, but for me it's not.
This time is talking about my grandpa not my mum. LOL~ change watak! My grandpa is a quite ''kiam siap'' guy. He always save and try to not spend too much. Well, he only does this on himself, but with us, he never be stingy. Erm, sometimes he does, but mostly he doesnt~ LOL. I asked him to buy a M.B.A for me as the present of my results and my laptop is going to be dead. I told him the price and also told him that i started falling in love with it when i first saw it in David John, QLD, AUS. I love that~ Without thinking too long, he said yes! yeah, he said yes! Definitely out of my surprise, i thought he would say dont waste that money, you already have a laptop. Arg, thanks god! However, he added '' but after he opened his new business '' at the end of his words. Alright, nevermind~ i can be patient of that, just a couple of months only.
I was thinking should i continue? But my mind tell me that, NO.
wuu~ it's time to be with 2011. A very nice number. To those who his/her birthday is on NOV 20TH, congraz, you are so lucky.
2010 has passed~! Myself cant really believe now im in 2011, im 16 this year!! 4 more years im going to 20!! My dream is coming nearer and nearer, in no longer. It's also mean i have to spent more time with my friends, build up every single memory together, no tears for this year only happiness we can have. Well, we have done this for half a year in 2010, so i know we can do that greatly. Couple more years, the end of our relationship is there.
All of us are going to fly freedomly to the place where we should be. A very nice place and also a strange place. However, we cant run for that, hopefully our relationship still can be as close as now. I know, every single of us will have a very sucessful career in the future as what we try to imagine that day.Anyway, I really hope it will be true.
Think to the pass, i just realize that im not that regret because of the bad memories. They give me memories and also experiences which i need a day. I learn to stand while im fall. Thanks mum. You teach me how should i be strong. You always be there for me, whenever i cry, whenever i happy. I really really glad to have you as my mum, the biggest present in my life ever. You always be there to support me even though i'm wrong. I never fall entirely because you always hold me by side. I know you always proud of me because of my little suceed which i dont think it's big. I always complain but you always convince. THANKS MUM~
