Have great memories in these 2 months time. Aww! I'm so excited that our drama got first in the state competition. It means that we are going to the National level! Sadly, the National level is held in KK. I thought it's suppose to be in KL or somewhere in WM.
Finally after two weeks of study-at-eleventh-o'clock, the exam was over. We are having holidays now! Yeah!
April in 2012 is going to end soon. Time pass extremely fast. Last year of my high school life is almost coming to an end. 30+ of the students are going to separate to each different part of this world.
Living in parent's world for 17 years shall come to an end. You know, this day may come. But, you just don't know how you wish it doesn't happen.
Just got back from Jenny's birthday an hour ago. Doing nothing browsing around the Internet. Just remembered that I've left my blog dead. It's April now! And we are heading to May a couple weeks later. Can you believe it? No, I can't!
It's just too too too fast for me. I thought the Bersih 2.0 activity was just few months ago, but indeed it was on the 9th of July, 2011. OMG!! It's been nearly a year. Well, just for your information, the next Bersih 2.0 activity will be on the 28th of April, 2012.
I've lost my soul in these few months. To be exact, it is more than 'few' in English grammar term. Doing nothing everyday except for classes and tuitions, business was left behind, just lie on the bed once i got back home...etc. I always have a reason for myself - time for rest, Paula. And with this reason, everything was left behind, everything. As a result, they were ruined at last.
I thought it gonna be better once I got back from my holidays. Somehow, it goes to the contrast way. Insomnia for the every nights. To make it better, I need to have my iPod on when I sleep. It's just tough.
Celebrated mum's birthday on this Tuesday. Actually I decided to plan a surprise for her, somehow it was a fail. The mood-less body made my laziness. I called to the restaurant instead of went there myself. I told them i was going to celebrate my mum's birthday there and I hope there was something special for her. I asked for the decorations and cake as well. Everything on that night was just perfect. The decorations were just like what I expected it to be, the cake tasted special instead of nice, the food was good.
Finally, one of my wish-list has been done. I love you Mum, Grandpa&Grandma, Auntie Mimi&Uncle Ben and Uncle Hen. I feel so so so proud to be one of the member of this little tiny family. Everyone in the family just love me much. They will get me whatever I want. Every one of them. God will pays you back when he takes something from you. It might not be the best, but i'm sure it is the most meaningful.
Days are tough now. No one understand how it is. Everyone just keep pushing on you. It's pain and stressful, but who know. Things always come suddenly without telling you. You are forced to face it. In fact, with tears.
Tears are non-stop. Somehow, I believe it's just a process toward an end point. Pain can't be expressed. The only way - swallow yourself. However, as much pain as you've collected, the more powerful you are - this is what I'm telling myself, always.
People look on you, but they don't feel you. Instance, a Science experiment, people just focus on the conclusion instead of the steps. This is world, this is reality. You got to face it, because you are forced to.
Never stop crying, as that's the only tool you have.
It's the last day of 2012 CNY. Un-usally, this is my first time staying at home and doing nothing. Form 5 life isn't a joke. Everything talks about pressure and stress. The worst is i haven't start some of my tuition yet. It's just the cause of laziness. Sometimes, you just wanna stay on the bed even you're not sleepy.
As I've leave my blog for more than 3months, my writing skills is also running down hill. Everything in life now is just going as it should be. Nothing special at all.
So, finally 2011 was over and now all of us are heading to 2020. Time flies very fast as I just realized I hadn't write my blog for 2months. These 2months in 2011 were boring enough. Apart from the KL & KK trips with buddies, the rest of the days were like hell. I couldn't feel what's meaningful of life is.
Well, let's conclude how's my 2011 went over :
1. My first holidays trip with buddies to Genting and KL.
2. Got to celebrate mum's birthday in amazing Italian restaurant which has the super duber expensive bill @ KL.
3. Had a very ''syok'' shopping session with buddies @ KL.
4. Got to buy mum an expensive dress from ZARA which she thinks it looks ugly.
4. My first experience of participated in drama competition and got a very special award.
5. Have joined SGM dancers for performance @ KK
6. Finally I have my own webshop. Feel free to visit www.hohoegg.com.
7. My first visit to SMC for headache check and all the scanning parts experience.
8. My wonderful Bangkok trip was forced to cancel due to some reasons.
9. Achieve my 17's target earlier. Feel great about it.
Well, there's a lot more. I'm just too lazy update all of them. Laziness kills my blog.
Can you believe it's October now? PMR is ongoing, good luck to all the candidates anyway. Time flies extremely fast.
Well, thanks to PMR that we can have a week of holidays for free. Not a happy holidays anyway. As the iPhone rumors, the 'real' iPhone has been released 2days ago. Most of the people was expecting it's iPhone 5 but sadly I-4S has brought them huge disappointment and this bunch of people starting to complaints. Thus, Apple's share has fell sharply when the 1-4S releasing as a result cause of Steve Jobs's death this morning.
I cried when I read the news. Well, not dramatic-ly just a few tears. It's really sad to hear this news. My best man was passed away! Yeah, my best man. Rest in peace.
Exam is coming soon and I don't know what should I do. Ever since I came back after my medical check up, my mum has stopped all my tuition classes so that I can have more relaxing time and stress-reduced. It sounds awesome but.. I didn't revise any book at home as well as at school. It's just too lazy to read and bother about the locked questions. Hopefully I can do a little well in this coming examination. It's fine if there is ''some'' failss.
By the way, my web shop is going to ''open'' soon! Erm, maybe after the examination. LOL.
It's 7:14a.m now and i'm still awake. I decided to blog as it has been a month I do not update. I sleep less these days. Very late, usually early in the morning and wake up just at noon. Oops, it's not because of I am busy, it's just when I close my eyes, images of memories appear. Myself cannot control the falling of tears even though I try hard to be tough.
I often ask myself, Paula Ho, who are you actually? What are you seeking for since the first day you're born? Is this what are you suppose to do? Why every time you need to work harder than everyone? Do remember every steps you move, they're your future.
Google's source, who am I > '' People who ask this sort of question are typically struggling with their identity and are searching for a core sense of themselves. The irony is that the more you seek to identify who you are, the more fragile you are likely to feel about yourself.''
Fragile? How can a human be proved he or she is fragile?
When we're out of control, we usually don't know who ourselves are. Are we lost? Where have we been?
Even though I've taken lot of medicine, but my headache doesn't seem like going better. The moment, every negative thoughts just go into my mind. My mum always asks me to be relaxed. Just like yesterday, I was forced to have breakfast with her while I only took 2hours of sleep. I'm starting to become stressful for some matters. She said, ' Girl, try to be relaxed. See, we're having dim sum in such a nice place, you should just sit and enjoy your food. ''
LoL~ I replied, ' That's impossible mum. If only i'm relax, most of the customers will call and call and eventually burnt my phone to ask where is their stocks. '' How do you want me to be relaxed? Once I fall a little, everything that I had worked hard will just gone without telling you when it is. You get to feel there's just a big bomm in front of you. I know, maybe, just maybe some people can't understand how exactly my feeling is. Doesn't matter~
Well, my headache is disturbing my mind now. Ps./ I can't really process well now, Sorry if there are grammar mistakes.
Well, it's 12:08a.m now and imma still awake. This is my daily's routine, have used to that. Sometimes, I have to stay to 2am too. I seriously don't know what am I doing till stay up to as late as this.
My mind is seriously going to BOOOOMM! Lotss of thing haven't be done yet. My web shop has to be postponed and postponed. I just too toooo lazy to decide which design I want. I've searched bunches of designs and downloaded as well, my next job is just combine all of them to a simple design and send it to the web-designer. You know, I want everything to be done in PERFECT, but things always end up with bullshits just because of my simply laziness.
I suppose I might just focus on my web shop and study once all the things that suppose to be done have done. There is more and more people doing online business recently. I have sick of that and I think it's time for me to retire. I often looking on freshness, once lotss of people do the same thing as I, I'm starting to change my direction.
I'm looking forward on Forex trading. I'm sure I have millions to learn about that. Good luck to me. Money money, please come back to mama. I need you!
Ooops, i just realize my English level is regressing. Gosh~~~~
I am the way to hell recently. My mind is storing too much things. I have stucked with my way. It's been hurt-s. Well, move on and stand steadily are the only solution.
Do you know why I always disbelieve on things?
Do you know how hurt it is when someone lies even only a simple matter?
Do you know words sometime make people feelings?
I am in pain, I am in tears, I am struggling, I am suffering
'' Believe, Trust '' simple word can never be found in my dictionary since the year
When I started to get back into these words, I just realized i shouldn't
It really hurts a lot when someone you trust enough lies, you know the truth, but still you have to pretend as nothing and let the acting running
Because, forgiveness should be your side every moment
I read a book, not sure is that a book, should be.
It told me :
We do not have the right to judge people as we're ain't good enough. Leave it with God.
etc~~~~
Be good to people, because you'll need them someday.
Thanks grandpa for everything. Thanks for being my father. Thanks for giving me anything i want.
You're really a great grandpa and dad. I am so lucky that i own a grandpa like you. God really treats me well.
Thanks for watching my performance yesterday. I know, you've waited for my turn for dont know how many hours sitting alone there. Sorry. I'm really really grateful.
Imma currently is not in Dubai, yet KK. LOL~ A very last last minute trip. As i have no mood to stay at home so do i decided to have a last minute trip to KK. Well, my grandpa accompanied me all the way. Thanks ya! I'm glad if you just leave me alone. LOL. So that i can go anywhere, shop anywhere by myself.
Well, my grandpa went to Damai Specialist for his medicial check up yesterday. He asked me to check for my gastro--- as well. I dont know what's the exact name, it's a scientific name. Whatever. Initially, i said NO, as for me, it kinds like wasting hundreds of money on this i-think-it's-ok stuff. I can buy lot of clothes with that money, but after that think of rather than doing nothing at there, so i decided have a check then. My grandpa pays that so i dont need to worry about anything.
The doctor who my grandpa wanted me to see was not available at the time but it's ok when he directed went to see the doctor. He said yes. WTH~ He asked me for a X-RAY, the nurse brought me to the room and left me with others nurses as well. It's my turn no longer. The x-ray in charge gave me kind of a blouse and asked me to wear on it without anything except panty. I was shocked and i asked him how about BRA shyly. He said yes as it's iron. Well, alright then. I was imagined if my panty is iron too, what will happen.
I changed in a small yet clean changing room. I went to the x-ray room after i was done. To be honest, i was really shy at the moment. Who cares. I was wondering how the facility works. It's quite amazing. The x-ray in charge was quite busy-body, 38~ He kept talked and talked non-stoply. Anyway, he gave me a new knowledge which is we cant be stress, as we strees, food cant be digested well thus causes gastric. Food which is supposed to be digested completely after 4 hours but because of stress, it can be stucked. Wow, i just knew that. I thought it's only when we eat too much or do not eat anything are only the factors.
I went into the doctor's room again once i was done. And again, i gained new knowledge. When our faeces are too stiff, it cant pass smoothly in our intestine. Thus, it will just stuck in the middle. When the other faeces want to pass through, they will push the faeces which are located in front of them. The force of pushing causes our intestine to be pained. And so, i thought i have gastric everytime but it's actually not. It's my faeces a.k.a shit problem. Thanks doctor for the new knowledge.
I regret i didnt ask him much. I should ask why the faeces are stiff instead of soft etc. Well, thanks anyway for that.
It's quite a boring holidays, staying at home, doing useless thing. Well, if it's a free mind holidays, it might be enjoy, but obviously it's not. I didnt go for my tuition classes for this whole week, why? Because i have no mood to get up from bed as well as study. It feels so hard for me to get up from bed. I spent a day useless-ly. Woke up on 11/12, watch movie for awhile, had my lunch a.k.a breakfast, napping, watch movie, sleep. Thats all for a day.
I hope this will not happen in my future. I do not like this kind of life, i rather to be busy or tired instead of useless, boring life.
Few months later, it will be a new year, 2012. It should be a meaningful year for me. It should be my new life, but something just ruined it, ruined one of my dream. Nevermind. Life still has to go on no matter what.
To become a CEO, there are a lot of ways. Difference is just how you become a CEO. I've planned for my future, it sounds ridiculous, but i just want to work hard for that. I've no time to play around, there are people waiting for in the future. My mum, my grandpa, my grandma..
Exam is still around. 2 more days to go. Should be fast? Well, i really need HOLIDAYS now. A free mind days. I've been so stressful for my exams and also my business. Too much too think & solve. I was talking to go for a rush Taiwan trip next week, well, i think i can't make it at the moment. First, my mum definitely will not let me travel abroad alone, only exception for Aus. And the airfare is quite expensive. I have too pay too much for all of that. somemore the wage that i need to pay for the local. Too much to cover. But, it's also the cheapest wayi found. I keep calculate all the charges this few days. Convert between 2 currencies, it's so tired. Just to find out which solution might be the best. Guess what, i'm still on the process. Still havent done calculating yet.
Not only that, i have to check with the bank for the latest currencies. Phone call never stop. Well, i think i sound little exaggerate but it's quite that situation. Aikz.. my mind is just too tight for this month. The exam is killing me, especially the Physic and + Math.
Honestly, i used to be good in Math. Seriously. When there is Math test, the night before it is the most relax night. And still i can do quite good in Math test. However, this situation do not happen this year. For now, i used to be scare math, especially + Math. I dont know what's the reason. But, it just happen. Even Mr. Fabian realise it too. I'm so sad for that. I'm trying to fix it back, but... aikz~ hopefully it can be fixed.
There are a lot of words i have to tell you. A lot a lot. You make my life interesting. You make my life colourful. You make my life awesome. You make my life full of energy. You make my life delightful.
My life is full of story. It's because of you, you write stories in my life, since the day i was born. Sometimes, i may think that, how lucky am i. Own a life, own an interesting story. Some people may cant have that, i'm just too lucky.
I know i am not a good daughter, always kind like shouting at you. But, your love never decreases, you never mad at me doing that at you. I'm really sorry, Mum. Thank you for your tolerance.
Having you as my mum is the most wonderful gift from god. Maybe you could have losted someone you love, nevermind, it's alright, dont be sad. You get someone who love you more. No pain no gain, isn't. You gain someone who always be with you, always be at your side, always love you more, and that's me!
Mum, once again, thank you for your support all the way throughout my life. I still remember the year, the worst year. The world was seemed black to me, very black. But, you lighted it. Indeed, a very bright light. I eventually walked out and faced the world again. No matter how alone am i. From the day untilr i went overseas, your support is my energy to smile & laugh.
I know, you had passed something even worser than that. Honestly, i can't understand how sad was is, but i will bring as much happiness as you need. Always remember do not look back, because there's someone standing in front of you.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS. THANK YOU FOR 16 YEARS CARES! THANK YOU!
PS:// Sorry that your mother's day present has to be postponed. Recently, large amount of money was going out. Will buy you the present once the money comes back to mama.
MAY actually belongs to my sweet 16th. Unfortunately, it is also a stress month for me. First semester exam is just around the corner. I have a lot to study, guess what, i even havent start any of them yet. Well, it's not because of laziness. It just i have limited time to get all the things done as well as sleep.
I'm ready going to get half a dozen of FAILSSSS for the semester exam. I hate FAIL, but what to do. Went for a dinner reunion few fays ago. Ooops~ some idea-ss suddenly poppped out from my mind, it's actually i had told that to my grandpa since i went back from AUS. I think it's a great idea as well as investment. If im not mistaken, they only have a branch in Malaysia @ Pavillion and the business doing really good! And now, according to my cousin, there is 6 new branches now in KL.
I want to do that sosososo badly. Unfortuantely, financial backup is the most major point. Somemore, i should concentrate in study first before head to those none-of-my-business matter. Perhaps i can wash my grandpa's brain and let him invest that. Money 100% guarantee back ok. Well, anyone who is interested in this, can contact me. LOL~ im serious.
Life still has to go on no matter what happen. Do you think suicide does help? Maybe~ It's our belove sister, Lykai's birthday celebration last night. We had a lot of fun these days. From taking bus, baking cake, giving surprise....
Fortunately, the cake has been done PERFECTLY by ladies. It's like damn god hell happy. We did MANGO YOGURT CHEESE CAKE. I'm wondering am i suppose to use the 'bake' word as well, but we didnt have any baking process. Whatever~ my english not that good too.
Above should post earlier, but due to my laziness.....
Sometimes it's too good to be true, but it's also too good to face the truth. Nothing that can be escaped. You dont know what is happening at the moment, you hope, at least someone can help, at least someone can tell you what it is, at least someone can perish the fire which is burning in your mind. Unfortunately, the 'someone' is not a fact, indeed you're alone. Obviously and obviously.
A simply award is not a joke, tears with story prove that all. It can be not, but it also can be yes. No doubt. Everyone cares about their images, except no one. It's true, dont you realise it. Mouth is un-controllable ''organ'', as well as tongue. Tastes you test must be detected by every sense which is given. Self role, self responbility, self work...
